When my two boys both dropped their naps, a moderate amount of television became part of their rest-time routine. As a stay-at-home mom, I also relished the break and the quiet time to make dinner and return some phone calls. I was always careful to keep their viewing time within the recommended guidelines of no more than two hours of screen time and my children still had ample outside playtime, activities outside of the home, rainy day cooking and art projects, and playtime with their toys. I did not feel that television interfered with their lives in any way.
My two boys, spaced just 22 months apart, argued with each other. This peaked at the ages of 4 and 6. Their fighting rarely escalated into any real violence that would cause any injury. Their fighting was also not constant-only over certain, favorite toys. Everyone, including my husband, told me it was all within the normal range of sibling rivalry. As an only child, I had no frame of reference for this and found it extremely difficult to tolerate. I read the books, read the articles, and tried numerous strategies, but the fighting would break out regardless of my efforts.
Part of the issue lay in their different personalities, or so I thought. My oldest son was very imaginative and would create endless stories with his toys where my younger son was more physical and wanted to instead move everything around. My youngest son did not have the attention span to focus on entertaining himself and relied on my oldest to lead the way during playtime. He would follow the oldest around and do exactly what he did and this really could be quite annoying.
I decided that I needed to maximize the amount of time they spent playing together if they were to ever figure out a way to work things out. My oldest son is in full-day kindergarten and that left little time for play once we went to the playground, ate dinner, bathed, did homework and made it to bed at an age-appropriate, early hour. Something had to go and that something was that one show I allowed them to watch while I made dinner and the one show they watched in the morning if they got dressed quickly.
I went cold turkey with the weekday television viewing. They asked for a show each day and each day I would tell them no for some reason or another. Playtime at home was extended and so was the fighting. I told myself that things had to get worse before they got better. There were moments that I just wanted to turn on the TV and be able to make dinner in peace, but I held my ground. I decided I would do this experiment for a few weeks and then if there were no improvements in their fighting, I would go back to my usual routine.
Within just two short weeks, things got better. They did not get better by a small amount. Our entire lives got better by leaps and bounds. My youngest son who I was convinced lacked the ability to self-entertain and lacked creativity made an entire village for his Disney Seven Dwarfs collection out of bowls, tissue, paper, tape, the dried beans he found in the cabinet, and an egg carton. He then played with it the next day for over an hour while I cleaned the kitchen and packed lunches.
My oldest son was doing wonderfully in school both socially and academically, but was at times moody at home and prone to getting easily angry. He was always quick to loose his temper with his brother. Within a week of reduced television time and increased quiet playtime with toys, he slowly figured out a way to work things out with his brother. His moodiness eased and his patience for his brother grew. Their bickering was reduced and I heard them talking over ways to play together and coming up with compromises and solutions.
The television remained off limits during the week and only given as a break in the day on the weekends and then kept to no more than an hour. After awhile, they stopped asking. They knew that if it was not a weekend, there was no TV. Within two months, I had two happy, creative children who could entertain themselves and get along for longer and longer periods of time.
What about time to get things done as a stay-at-home mom? Yes, it takes me longer to get them settled into an activity before I can slip away. Yes, it takes more effort to think of more projects or suggest different playthings or toys when they are having trouble finding something to do. However, the time almost always comes when they are content, playing, and I can do the things that I need to around the house. The sound of them laughing and not the theme song to a children's TV show has my spirits lifted enormously.
My sons have friends with video games. They enjoy playing with them when they are at these friend's houses and even ask if they can have one. However, these same kids come over to our house where the TV does not get turned on and there are no high-tech video games and do not want to leave. They rediscover their love of train tables, play with musical instruments, and happily use the toys we have in our small basement and never once ask for the television to be turned on.
Perhaps even what is now considered moderate television viewing and the Academy of Pediatrics two-hour television limit is too much. Perhaps entire days or weeks at a time should be set aside where it is not turned on. Yes, television can teach our children how their ABC's and counting at earlier ages, but is this really necessary? Isn't kindergarten early enough for that? Is even educational, non-violent television taking away from these formative years when so much social development is based on play? A simple experiment in giving my kids more time together answered all these questions for me. The television went off in my house and my kids became kids again, their imaginations turned on, and the family I always wanted came into focus.
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